"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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