he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think a kid would responsible me up
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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