FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She's the barista slut.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
