Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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