What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
