Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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