i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize