The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
