Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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