My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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