I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
