what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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