Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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