and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
