why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i came on her dog
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
