it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
