She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
