i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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