btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
