Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
