I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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