Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
