I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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