I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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