Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
