he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize