Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
