I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
