There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
