Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
