How'd it feel making her break her religion?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
