My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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