I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
