At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
