I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
