My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
