I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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