she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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