he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
