So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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