okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
