my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize