i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
