I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
