I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The air taste purple.
Randomize
