Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
