Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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