A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
