just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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