ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize