Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
