I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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