New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
