i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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