I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
