Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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