I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
