I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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