She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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