It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
