Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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