Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
