Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
