FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
