google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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