is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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