GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
