just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
