And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
