I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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