We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
