this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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