we have officially lost it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i now understand why vodka
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
