mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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