I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
