Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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