this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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