Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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